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I have always thought there was a secret to being a joyful Christian. In my mind, and what I confidently told others was that it was just Jesus. “Accepting Jesus into your heart, and following Him, will bring you boatloads of joy!” However, I wasn’t joyful- I tried. I tried to do the “right things, ” but I struggled with joy. I wanted my cup to overfloweth- to bubble over so I would have to slurp life in! Yet, I just couldn’t turn off the past- the DVDs filled with my past performances. Some are even on VHS cassettes! Shoulda, coulds, woulda. The past. The present. The memories come flooding through my mind, and I am stuck- unhappy, unmotivated, wishing that I could do back to the past to change my current messy life. Unthankful, ungrateful. Doubting God, and through my doubts, basically telling Him, “God, you should have let me be in control. Why did you allow THAT choice? Come on, Lord, get it together!” No wonder, I then sit criss-cross applesauce in a puddle of muck and misery. I then proceed to put on a party hat, pout, and decide to stay and watch more of the DVDs and VHS cassettes in my head. I then bring in the gourmet food to comfort my wounded self- Twizzlers, Bit O’ Honey, and ice cream- enough food for a queen’s own coronation. I invite no one, but the stars on my Netflix show. I pout. I eat. I retreat. All of this because I struggled to THANK God for the past- especially the hurts, the decisions I regret, and the for my current present. I stepped in the puddle of much and misery, and have a party Bitter. Angry. Sad. I stay there until sleep comes. I wake up and try to step out of the puddle that has now become thick and gooey. I can’t. I just can’t. I cry out to the God, the one I don’t trust. The one I doubt. The one I am angry with. And, He still hears my cries, even with my ungrateful heart, He helps me. He meets me where I am at, and helps me lift one leg out of my bed, and into places where there are remnants of a party- candy wrappers and a sugar hangover. I take a step out of the muck and misery and He sets my feet on a rock. Psalm 40:2: “He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire. He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” And, I again, try to find the mystery of being a content, joyful all together Christian. Then He reminds me. I read from Ann Voskamp’s one thousand gifts devotional, who has cracked the code. Thankfulness. Thankfulness of it ALL- the good, the bad, and the ugly. All of the DVD and VHS cassettes that I wish were never recorded. To be thankful, right now for the rock that the Lord has placed me on. And then the Lord encourages me through Paul. Philippians 4:11-12: “I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know hoe wo tlive on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the SECRET of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. Paul helps me see it with my detective magnifying glass. The SECRET is to learn to be thankful, and of course, to trust. It doesn’t come to me naturally. I have to practice thankfulness. Ann Voskamp uses a megaphone to help me know how: “To learn how to be grateful and happy, whether hands full or hands empty. That is a secret worth spending a life on learning. I, my, friends, am still learning.